what little we need

dreamt this night
horrible faces i knew once
criminal faces
threatening to cut my dick off
in a turkish bath
the smaller
of the three of them, i
knocked to the floor
without great difficulty
but the bigger one
would be trouble. i’d only made him
smile
“Unless you have a gun…” i started

“well, he said
revealing a blade he had hidden
in his coat
“i do have this cut-you knife.”

fuck me jesus, i thought
looking over these three
unstoppable forces
they really mean to do it

-gasp,
up in bed like a
shot
to the bathroom mirror
had to look myself in the eyes
had to see i’m still sane

a dream psychologist
might say
that i am unconsciously afraid
of losing all that i have

as a man
my penis is my connection to
the world that i know and
the root
to my identity

the fear that i am dying
that all that i am will –
phone is ringing in the other room
water
droplets
dripping
from my face. i’d been splashing cold
to chase away the crazy
now
my
carpet is wet
“Hello?

holy shit, you’re awake

(?) Yeah, just
what’s up?

Oh, nothing. i’ve been having
a weird night

i want to scream at the serendipity
but i keep quiet
my brother
has been up and down whiskey bottles
and in and out of manias
ever since his wife left

i love him and his phone calls
he has recently become
more interesting
without the wife
he has adventures and mishaps
but he’s not altogether well
and tonight
i get the feeling he is in
a bad way

i do my best to calm his storm
to bring his dragons to ground
and as
i’m stomping out the last fire
from
the last cigarette
and he
is deep in his cups

i choose this moment to remind him
that we all endure
the pain
of being human

in our own ways we
each of us scrape
all that we’re able
together
though it may be sand
our defeats
and
our challenges

are diamonds
unrecognizable to any but those
that keep them

© Emerys Watchel, 2016 All rights reserved.

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