Cardiac Awareness Month

i now look on Hallo-
ween candy, Easter eggs,
Birthday cake
& X-Mas turkey
as
a morbid
antiquated fixation
with death

© Emerys Watchel, 2017 All rights reserved.

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how many miles?

yellow
wax-leaf petals
wet
on pavement
a marble of colours
how many metal hydra
-ulic excavators
scooped river stones
into shipping container
carted how many miles

worthless blue stones
orange from Yukon gold mine
copper-brown from
Kennecott
into mixer, recipe’d together
poured
as city streets
tread upon
by my
rubber shoe sole
rubber from Thailand,
India,
the UK?
i guess we don’t get our rubber
from organic Africa anymore
not since 1920, or 40

trees grow leaves new
each year
to yellow and fall
bark stiffens and survives
each winter
in this manicured space

each of these trees
a sapling
grown in a nursery
selected & arranged
by City Beautification organizer
seeded by parent and
great,
great grand parent trees

how many miles
how many
hundreds of miles,
away?

© Emerys Watchel, 2017 All rights reserved.

To No Avail, for My Brother

M, and I have decided
to work around these inept doctors
figured out our own way of
dealing w/ my health concerns
mysterious, though they are,
these symptoms seem to point to a
Panic Disorder
though I warned M about googling
medical advice
convincing self of what it might be
creates an ignorance to the actual
ailment
but it’s the best we’ve got
I was scheduled for 2 Stress Tests
only showed up for one
I’m taking vitamins and watching my
meal portions
making sure I exercise etc.
the melancholies come and go
but I’m dealing w/ it
that’s what I wanted to tell you
the melancholies
I knew there was no good way to begin
so I just jumped in feet first
I’d like to say I was surprised
the way you handled it
but I’m not
predictable, unavoidable
I didn’t think you’d yell and hang up the phone
we’re supposed to be adults now
& then finishing the conversation on facebook
with all that sand in your vagina
was boring, you’re boring.
whatever you are or aren’t
is not my concern
you are My Brother
confusing though
you said you liked that about me
that I don’t pull punches
only to yell and slam phones like a full-grown
chickenshit. it was weird (for me) to see you
so touched by a dose of sour honesty
Remember
I was trying to tell you
that I don’t feel like I am able
to talk to you
then you do that
proving me right.
my conscience is clean

the sad part is
all I could hear
in my head
was Dad calling you “pig-headed”
he was right
it was wrong of him to say that
and hard for you to hear
but he wasn’t wrong

guess you proved him right too
that’s fucking sad
anyway
I put off writing this
because I thought you`d pick up the phone
do the honorable thing

I already dialed your number
to no avail

maybe this will find you
if you haven`t shut off every avenue
between us
I won`t lie to you, it is quieter
without your meathead burping language
at me

© Emerys Watchel, 2017 All rights reserved.

Better

here I am
again, again
reminding myself
it’s not a contest or
a race
reminding myself
I have limitations

used to be able to
go all night
eat whatever & never tire
when I was
immortal

I remember
clearly
when I end up here
at the bottom of
a long and gentle slope
looking up
trying to measure
the precipice of my decisions

fail better

© Emerys Watchel, 2017 All rights reserved.

all around the mulberry bush

every morning
now when i go out
early enough
there are joggers & runners
everywhere w/ electronic devices
appropriate athletic attire
like rock climbers, or
cyclists
chasing real and imaginary
mountains

a meeting of cardiologists
determined this,
i’m sure
nobody chooses discomfort
when there’s an alternative
,right?
idk

i sit at my coffee shop
and drink my coffee
eat my bran muffin
hoping
for a comfortable shit
when i get home

at
the end of the
day, you can dress it up
but
there’s really not much else
to it
anyway

© Emerys Watchel, 2017 All rights reserved.